A Taste of Heaven...

I have sipped wine in a café in Florence overlooking the Italian countryside.  I have lived on the beach in Southern California.  I have been in the same room as a sitting US President.  I have seen the mountains of Alaska and the beaches of Mexico.  I have completed marathons.  (I said completed not competed.)  I have prayed in 2000-year old cathedrals in Rome.  I was at the greatest college football game ever played (Tech beating No.1 ranked Texas – 2008).  I have ice-skated in Rockefeller Plaza under the NYC Christmas lights.  All this to say, NOTHING, I have done has been as special as this...

 Holding our babies for the 1st time! 

Maybe it is because it took 10 days after birth to get to hold them.  Maybe it’s because the doctors were not too optimistic about their survival.  Maybe it’s because how early they arrived.  Maybe it’s because I am holding a tangible miracle from God.  Or maybe it is just because I love them so much.

Jesus said when we pray, we are to pray “for things to be on Earth as they are in Heaven”.  Thanks to all the prayers, we have gotten to experience “Heaven” on Earth.  Please continue to pray for the development of our babies.  May all continue to see glimpses of Heaven in these tiny miracles.  

A Father's Day to remember...

Happy Father's Day! And what a happy Father's Day it was! We got to hold Dylan and Kaylan kangaroo style for the first time! It was so sweet and precious.  To actually hold them to our chest and feel their little bodies nine days after their arrival,was amazing. I held Dylan for almost 2 hours. Landon held Kaylan for about an hour. Kaylan's CPAP tubes were really irritating her as she was laying on Landon's chest so it wasn't as comfortable for her because all the equipment on her little face is just so big. She's still really small for holding, but as long as they will let us do it, we will enjoy every minute! Dylan was really comfy and pretty much slept the whole time. Tomorrow evening, Landon will hold Dylan and I will hold Kaylan. They don't let us hold each of them on the same day cause passing the babies around and moving them a lot stresses them out. So for now, it's one Kangaroo hold per day for each of them.

I know there will be a day that we may start to feel some burn out and frustration with the back and forth trips to the hospital. Our life is now IN a hospital. But, we continue to see God working through this process. Although we are only 9 days in, we've already had some really sweet encounters with the nurses who are caring for them. Our nurse today (Darla), openly spoke with us about her faith and how she prays for our babies. That is SUCH an encouragement to us to know that other believers are taking care of our babies! What a blessing. We've tried to be transparent (to everyone) about our faith, trust, as well as very real fears, as we go through this. We don't really care who sees us praying over their isolettes every night. It's all we can do. It's all we want to do. We have letters and scriptures all over their rooms. My fabulous co-workers also made a ton of decorations for our babies that hang all along the windows. We love being there with them. It's hard to leave at night but we have to remind ourselves whose hands they are in.

Please continue lifting us up. More importantly, please pray for continued progress and health for Dylan and Kaylan.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

(A nurse made these for us last night.) 

Answered prayers

Today was a good day! We knew that Kaylan was going to have to get a PICC line in her tiny little veins so the doctors can get fluids to her. Inserting the PICC line was going to be a very delicate and tricky process and had it not worked, a surgeon would have had to have been called in. Praise God - Dr. Santiago was able to insert it on the first try...so only one stick in her little arm and then he fed the long, wirey catheter through her veins all the way to her heart. Now it is in place and we hope it can stay there for awhile! Also, she has had a couple of more poopy diapers. (Kaylan, I'm sorry we are putting your business out there, but people are praying for this.) We told Dr. Santiago that she was going to grow up and become a nurse and get him back for all those baby enemas he's been giving her. Overall, today was good for Kaylan.

Dylan is doing well too. They are increasing his milk feeds every 12 hours and he seems to be digesting it well. He is struggling with what's called "Bradys"...which basically means he stops breathing for a few seconds. His brain forgets to tell him to breathe sometimes. This is fairly common in premature babies, but he seemed to have several "episodes" today which can be kind of scary.

So, the BIGGEST news is that we should get to hold BOTH of them for the FIRST time tomorrow!! HAPPY FATHERS DAY for Landon!!! It's going to be awesome. We'll get to do what's called Kangaroo Care which means we hold the babies on our chest skin to skin. We are really looking forward to this time tomorrow. Our nurses and doctors really seem to pulling for us to hold them tomorrow, so assuming everything remains stable tonight, then we can hold them tomorrow. When we hold them, they will still have all the tubes and oxygen so we will have to be very careful.

We went to church tonight and it was my first time back in quite awhile. It was so great to see everyone and be back in a place of worship. I was pretty distracted thinking about the babies and anxiously waiting to go back to the hospital, but was reminded that the Great Physician is taking care of them and I can trust them in His care. We are so encouraged by the genuine care and concern the nurses and doctors have for our babies. Several of them have asked to take care of them when they are working so I think they are even growing on the nurses ;-)

Here's a couple of new pictures of Dylan. To me, he looks just like Landon. What a cutie!

In His Hands...

I have been thinking a lot today about this picture.  We took it last night as it was the 1st day that either of has gotten to "hold" the babies.  Kaylan was so sweet and just loved having the bright bili-lights off her for a few minutes. 

But this picture really had me thinking.  I don't want to speak for God, but at this time, I think this is the perfect example of how we are to Him.  He has us in His hands.  He is holding us.  He looks at us with all our junk, all our "wires, tubes, and monitors".  And while all we see is the uncomfortableness of these wires that are bothering us, He sees the big picture.  He knows that we are going through all this crap to "grow" us and get us to a better place.  He knows it is for our own good.

I wish so bad Kaylan and Dylan could understand that they are hooked up to all these things for there own good.  I wish I could communicate some how that we are allowing them to go through this pain because we love them.  We love them so much that we are willing to do anything for them to get them better, even if they may have to endure some temporary pain. 

My prayer today is for the continued growth and strength of these babies.  But I also want to thank God for letting me endure this "incubator" of life that I feel like I have been in over the last few months.  I know I am in His hands and He truly wants the best for me, just as we do for Kaylan and Dylan. 

Matthew 21:16
'From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise'

A Nurse Named Sue

Happy Thursday people! The babies will be one week old tomorrow...and oh what a week it has been! Praise God! I was able to spend the morning at the hospital from around  9 - Noonish because of the generosity of a friend who dropped me off and picked me back up. Thank you Kim Johnson - AKA, Preston's mommy (he's the 4 year old who prays for Kaylan and Dylan regularly). 

I enjoyed my time with them this morning. They have a great nurse today. Her name is Sue. She's really sweet and takes great care of them. Today, she wanted to change their bedding so I sort of got to hold each of them inside their isolets. I stuck my arms in the cubby holes and held them up while she changed out the bedding. This was the FIRST time I've ever held each of them. It was awesome and I can't wait to hold them close and kiss them. Of course, they were so light weight and I felt like I was going to break them. So, thank you Nurse Sue for letting me do this today! I loved it. I'm still blown away at the miracles that they are. I know God must have some big plans for them. Landon surprised me on his lunch break and came to the hospital for Dylan's "touch time." He handled the diaper. We've got to get him to change Kaylan at some point! :) 

Please continue to pray for Kaylan. Doctors say she has air in her tummy and that it needs to pass through before they can start feeding her milk again. She's basically stopped up. So, dare I say...please pray for a poopy diaper? It is what it is. 

Overall, both babies are still stable and doing well. Katie, Landon's sister, is coming in tonight to meet them for the first time. We'll be heading to the hospital this evening to visit. I'm excited for her to meet them. 

Sorry about the no blog, blog last night. I think we are both a little bit emotionally and physically drained right now. We continue to pray without ceasing though! We ask that you do the same on their behalf.

He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ!

Philippians 1:6  

NO BLOG TONIGHT

DUE TO EXTREME FATIGUE, THERE WILL BE NO BLOG UPDATE THIS EVENING.  PLEASE CHECK BACK TOMORROW FOR A FULL UPDATE.  THANKS!!!!

Discharge Day

Today was a little tough. I was discharged from the hospital around 12:30. We headed down to the NICU to say a temporary goodbye to Kaylan and Dylan. Tears were flowing but the nurses were so sweet and consoling. We had a brief meeting with one of the Neonatologists who gave us "status" checks on both babies. They obviously have a long road ahead, but they are stable and each day is a victory. The biggest moment today was when the doctor told us that Kaylan's chromosome test came back NORMAL!! PRAISE GOD!! I completely lost it when she said that. NO TRISOMY!!! This was HUGE for us to hear on the day we were leaving and it was just what we needed. 


As we're already discovering on this journey, even when there's good news, there may be other set backs along the way. Kaylan needed a blood transfusion this morning because her blood count was low. Apparently this is pretty "routine" (um, it's not routine to ME so it scared me to death!), but she's responding well to the donor blood, and I'm sure she'll need more transfusions throughout the course of her stay. Doctors ran a head scan on her earlier this afternoon to see if there was any bleeding in the brain....Again, this test came back NORMAL! Another PRAISE! We are on our knees battling for these babies and God has been and continues to be FAITHFUL! 


Dylan came off of his photo therapy lights today (sun tanning bed as I call it). His coloring is looking better and he's starting to respond better to the milk feeds. Keep rockin' Dylan! 


With Father's Day approaching this weekend, we're hoping that maybe we can hold one of them for the first time. I would LOVE for Landon to be able to hold one or both babies on that special day. He's already an awesome daddy. He's so diligent to pray for them and over their little beds each night. He did another diaper change today on Dylan so he's getting to be a pro now. 


Once we got home this afternoon, I got to see their nursery furniture for the FIRST time! It was delivered to the house while I was on bed rest at the hospital. It's so beautiful and I can't wait to put everything all together (yes, when I'm feeling better MOM, I know...) 


My mom came over and dropped off ALL the gifts we've received during the past few weeks and she brought food and took care of us this afternoon. It was awesome. At about 6:30 this evening, we decided to go back to the hospital to see the babies. We just had to go back. We prayed again over them and spent some more time just staring at them. It's been an emotional day today (the first of many, I'm sure), but I really did sense God's presence with me all day and carrying us through this. 


We will continue to trust. Thank you for the continued prayers. Here's a list of nurses that have managed Dylan and Kaylan's care so far. If you think of it, please pray for these nurses and doctors by name and ask God to give them extra blessings and wisdom as they manage their care as well as other babies in the NICU. I'm sure this list will grow. 


Nurses:
Darla
Janell
Lolita
Rebecca (she has twins AND she's a Red Raider alum - we LOVE her)
Sue 


Doctors:
Dr. Santiago
Dr. Ratner
Dr. Reddy 


PS Praise on Skyler Seidman - for those of you following updates on Skyler, he's being sent home tomorrow! Woo hoo! He's been feeling better and was in the hospital for 16 days (I can relate, buddy). 

Pampers Pro...

Today was a fantastic day! It was Jen's final full day in the hospital as she will be getting discharged at some point tomorrow. She has not been outside in 21 days so, although it will be hard to leave here empty handed, it will be nice for her to be free from this place!

Today, I changed my first diaper...EVER! I was terrified to even try because the babies are SO small, but our nurse, who by the way is so awesome, encouraged me to give it a shot. She told me I could do it and walked me through it. I choked about half way through and started to tense-up, she helped finish it up. But later, I went back and tried it again, and I nailed it.






















Not only did I master the art of changing the diaper, both babies were doing rather well. They have both lost weight since their birth, however, the nurse told me tonight that is a good thing. So after about 7-days of either losing weight or no gain, they should start to take off. We are excited about their daily reports, especially when the news is pretty good. Kaylan had an X-ray this morning and the doctor said he did not see anything that looked to be a cause for concern. Praise God for that.


Another reason this day was so great was the visitors! OMG, we had so many people come to see us and our little angels. Today, Dylan and Kaylan met their Spear One family, their Nissan family, some of their church family, and more of their family-family! Not only have we had an incredible amount of people already come up here or send their support in other ways, but today, I got to show off the fruits of so many of their diligent prayers. I was so excited to show off both babies. Most people had never seen a 1-pound baby, and everyone seemed to agree that Dylan was going to grow to be a huge monster. He has the biggest feet. And you know what they say about men who have big feet??? (They wear big shoes - c'mon what were you thinking?)

We want to thank everyone that has shown support to us. Every blog comment, every visit, every text message, every Facebook note, every email, every gift sent, every letter in the mail, all the way to every prayer said mean so much to us and has really sustained us over the past few weeks. We know that the road ahead is very long, bumpy and unpredictable, but for now, we want to say thanks!! Please be in prayer for us tomorrow as we have to say a temporary good bye to our sweet babies. We spent some sweet time this evening praying over their little cubbies. I'm sure there will be many more hours spent in prayer over these little ones.

"Fearfully and Wonderfully Made"

Today was another busy day of NICU visits with family and visitors flowing in and out. Dylan and Kaylan are both stable and I fell a little further in love. We definitely have a long, bumpy road ahead, but Landon and I are choosing to celebrate life at this very moment. I did a few more diaper changes today but that's about the most interaction I have with each of them. We won't be able to hold them for awhile...don't really know yet how long "awhile" will be. We thought we would be scared to look at the babies - especially Kaylan since she's so tiny, but we find that we can't look at her enough! She's perfect and beautiful and is "fearfully and wonderfully made." So is Dylan. He has these long fingers and toes and we can already tell he's going to be tall and thin like Landon. They both have their little face goggles on as well as the CPAP oxygen tubes in their noses so we don't really get good looks at their faces. But we know that underneath all that garb is a perfect, little kissable face. Kaylan struggled a little bit with her feedings so they are going to just feed her through IV's and manage her nutrition that way. Dylan's feedings have increased although he spit up his entire dinner tonight so he might need to take a little slower too. They have such tiny little organs and we just continue to pray for God's healing hand to ever so gently touch them and grow them into strong babies.

My mom stayed with me last night. We had a good night of rest without the joy of IV's, epidurals and drips beeping in my ear all night. My mom has been so amazing during this time. She has been the perfect amount of available. We're so thankful for all that both our parents have done for us. They've been so diligent in prayers and support and we've been able to be their kids and let them love on us as we take on this new role of being parents. It's been a really special time. Landon's parents came in town Friday and will be leaving tomorrow. They were able to visit a few times and see their new little grandbabies. So glad they were able to be here. 

Today was the first day I think I let my guard down a little bit and let the tears flow some. I think I've been "on" since Friday and it felt good to just let Landon hold me and cry on his shoulder for awhile tonight. Now the emotional seal has been broken and the tears are flowing a little more often - but it feels good to get it out. I'm getting nervous about being discharged on Tuesday. I know that will be a really difficult time to leave our babies here. My head knows that they are in the right place, well taken care of and that they are in the best care possible. My heart is a little slower to accept that rationale.

I know so many of you have been invested in our babies and we can't wait for the world to meet them! Please continue to pray for us and the babies. As we approach Tuesday (discharge day), please pray for extra peace for us as we leave this hospital empty handed.

I cannot continue to express how thankful we are for all the support we've received. There had to have been at least 35 people up here on Friday just waiting for their arrival. Unbelievable!

Landon and I are going to spend some time on our knees tonight for our little ones. Hope you'll do the same :) Love to you all.

Jen, Landon, Dylan and Kaylan ;)

What if...

So I have been a dad for a day now. It has been a pretty awesome day. I am so excited that God has answered the prayers of so many. I could not be prouder of our little babies. They are such blessings and I just met them a day ago. What an incredible experience this journey has been, but we have done nothing more than started a new chapter in our life. The last chapter was amazing, throughout all the ups and downs, and if it were a book, the chapter would be called, "GOD IS IN CONTROL". Both babies are doing really good considering the circumstances and we could not be happier.

And while I am so happy, I cannot stop questioning "what if?" What if God had decided to take one of these angels? What if God's plan was different than ours and had different plans for one, or both of these babies? What if things had turned out differently?

Now, I know we have been given 2 miracle babies. Praise God for that! He has blessed us beyond belief. He has been so faithful. But, could I sit here and say how incredible God has been in this process, if His plans did not line up with our plans? A few years ago, before God started really working in me, I would have to admit my faith was in getting what I asked for. If I did not get what I prayed for, either I was doing something wrong, or God wasn't the all-good, all-powerful that He claims to be. He has graciously stretched and grown me to a point that my faith is now in HIM, and not in the outcome. That is a difficult place to get to, but it is such an amazing place. I can honestly say that if things would have turned out different, my faith would only have been rattled, not destroyed.

I have learned that when my faith is in Him, and not the outcome, I can handle anything (don't always want to, but can). So I thank God for all the times my prayers have NOT been answered the way that I wanted them answered. Thank God for my Kaylan and Dylan. Miracles that came in His timing, not ours. May we continue to be open to His plan, and not ours, throughout this journey . May He continue to be faithful, but may we continue to see Him leading the way, not just providing the outcome!!

So Completely In love

Well, I thought I loved these babies when they were inside of me, but I didn't even know how in love I would be with these tiny little beings. We got to see them several times today in the NICU. I changed each of their diapers (smallest diapers you've ever seen in your life) and I also fed each of them through a tiny syringe.

Thank you for all the support, visitors, prayers, flowers. We've are overwhelmed by God's goodness and the way His people have shown up for us. It's hard for me to even write too much anymore...The pictures speak for themselves. They are perfect and precious and we are absolutely in love!

The first picture is of Kaylan and that is Landon's wedding ring around her arm!

Diapers! - The size of my Blackberry Phone!

These are (from left to right, Kaylan, Dylan and McKenna's diapers!) McKenna, is my 1 year old niece. Look at the size difference!

Us looking at Dylan :)

Me changing Kaylan's diaper

Dylan and Kaylan....few more pics.

Dylan!

Kaylan!

Introducing...


Kaylan Grace Fariss

































weighing in at 1-pound even and 11 inches.
and
Dylan Cash Fariss































Weighing in at 3lbs 3oz and 16 inches!

Praise God for these precious miracles!

Here We Go...

OK followers. We're going to need everyone on their knees today. Jen went in this morning for her morning sonogram and what we knew would happen, has happened. Kaylan had reverse blood-flow. The doctors told us 4 weeks ago when the blood-flow started to show absent it was not a matter of if it would reverse, but a matter of when. God has graciously given us 18 days here in the hospital for continued growth.

Well, today is the day! We will be having some babies today! 29-weeks, 1-day. Please PRAY FOR KAYLAN AND DYLAN, as they will be making their arrival in a few hours. I will try to keep you updated!

God IS in control!

Boxes...

29 weeks today! YAY! Another stable day...Blood flow was absent for Kaylan but she was very active again on the sonogram. We're still hopeful for a good outcome here.

A guy at work today asked me about how things were going with Jen, the pregnancy, and the twins. I told him about Kaylan’s lack of growth and that some of the doctors are concerned for her survival. He then said, very sincerely, “Well, the bright side is, it looks like you will get one healthy child out of this pregnancy”. And while I know he was coming from a place of good intentions and trying to say something positive, it really hurt. What parent of 2 or more kids would take a look at their children, sick, struggling for life, and say, “well, this one may not live but good thing we still have that one”. Nobody. So it is no different for us.

These are our children. They have names. They have monogrammed blankets and spit-up rags. They are prayed over by name, hourly. We see them, daily. We love them. We would do anything for them. God chose us to be their parents. He chose to bless us with this journey. So when somebody suggests one of their lives is more important than the other, it cuts to the core. It really does.

And while it stung a little when my co-worker said what he said, I know he was genuinely trying to say the right thing. He was trying to “help” by saying what he thought might help. He saw the broken pieces lying on the ground, and tried to put them back in the box. He offered me his box.

I think we do that a lot (or at least I do). We try to view life inside a box. We offer up our boxes as perspective to try to help people cope or deal with a situation. We try to help by putting life’s pieces back in the box when it looks like they are lying outside of it. (I have must have read every Google search on growth restricted babies on the internet for hopes that someone else’s box might be the same box as my box.) And when things happen too far outside our box, we offer a bigger box. But it is still a box. I know over the last 2 months, I have had so many boxes. All different sizes. And I’m fairly certain that God is trying to continue to expand my box to a point where I understand that THERE IS NO BOX for Him. He is pushing me to the point where I question there ever was a box. I am not there yet, but he is graciously smashing my boxes.

Children our a heritage from the Lord!

Happy hump day! Tomorrow will be 29 weeks! Praise God! Overall, we had good, stable reports all the way around today....flow was good and Kaylan was very active on the sonogram, as was Dylan.

My best friend Melissa came to visit today, along with another friend of ours, Lainey. Melissa and I have been friends since the fourth grade - TWENTY YEARS! Whoa! Aren't I too young to have been friends with someone that long? We've been through a lot together - laughing, crying, praying, fun, and maybe a little bit of trouble...just once though. ;) Lainey, who also visited, is such an encouragement to me. She had twin boys almost two years ago and went through many of the same struggles that we are facing right now -- bedrest at 27 weeks, pre-mature delivery at 30 weeks, doctor concerns about diseases, chromosomes, etc. Her beautiful precious boys (Grady and Grayson) are the light of her and husband's life and to see how they've grown into healthy little boys is truly an inspiration. Lainey brought one of the preemie diapers that Grayson had from the hospital and I could NOT believe how small it was. I didn't know they made diapers that tiny. Amazing. She shared pictures of them early on and it was really special for me to have a snapshot into their journey. 

As we continue to walk this daily battle, I tend to be really self-focused on our situation and our babies. I want to take this time ask for prayers for some other children that we know. The first, is our niece McKenna. She just turned 1 years old last week and today, doctors discovered she has a heart murmer. We're not sure the severity or seriousness of this diagnosis just yet, but regardless, I would ask that you include her in your prayers. Please pray for peace for her mom and dad (Patrick and Chelsea Fariss).

The second child is our pastor's 11 year old son Skyler. He's been diagnosed with bacterial meningits and has been in the hospital for well over a week. I believe the general prognosis is good, however, he is still really struggling with high fevers, nausea, and headaches like you wouldn't believe. Please pray for this illness to leave his body so he can be restored to healthy 11 year old again. 

Finally, I would ask that you lift up each and every baby in the NICU here at this hospital. It's a 45 bed hospital and I'm sure they are pretty full right now. I don't know any of the statuses nor do I even personally know what babies are in the NICU right now, but I do know there are lots of mommies and daddies pacing the halls and waiting on phone calls hourly to hear how their little ones are doing. God bless the nurses and doctors that our managing their care at all times. What a special calling they have!

Well, this post is getting a little bit long, so I'll leave you with one more story tonight about a little boy we know....(the theme tonight is all about KIDS. Can you tell?)

This evening, as Landon and I were talking about our day, my hospital room phone rang. It was a little boy on the other end of the line.

"Miss Jennifer?"

Me: "Yes?"

"Hi, this is Preston." Preston is the 4 year old son of some friends of ours - Kirk and Kim Johnson. We talked for a few minutes and then he said "I want to pray for Kaylan."  He then proceeded to say the sweetest little prayer over the phone for Kaylan asking Jesus to make her grow big and strong. It was so precious and sweet and innocent and I was just reminded that God hears Preston's prayers loud and clear for Kaylan just like he hears mine and everyone else's who lifts these babies up on a daily basis.

As I listened to his simple words, "Jesus, just make her grow big and strong", it was a reminder as I'm searching for all the right words and the things to say to God, that we just need to have a childlike faith and come to Him with a pure heart. The right words don't matter - he knows our hearts and he even hears our cries as prayers.

Matthew 18:3 (New International Version)

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Here's a couple of pictures of the gifts that Melissa and Lainey brought today. The cowboy blankets are from Lainey, monogrammed burp cloths from Melissa and the other two blankets are from another friend of mine, Jennifer Putman. I LOVE all of them!!! :)

Tuesday's Gone...

Today was definitely a full day. This morning, Jen was awakend early by the nurse to head to her daily sonogram. Her cousin, Jasie, stayed the night here, so I'm pretty sure they stayed up until 2 or 3am braiding hair, painting toes, and talking about boys. (I stayed at the house last night, couldn't sleep, so in the middle of the night, I turned on the TV and watched a PBS special on Roy Orbison. It was pretty amazing!)

Anyway, today was the day to measure the growth of the babies. We had prayed long and hard to see some good solid growth in both, but especially Kaylan. Dylan was measured first and had grown 8oz since last week and is now just shy of 3lbs. We were very disappointed to see that Kaylan has not grown at all since last week. She is still just over a pound. I feel like we have been saying that for a month now. But still, all the other checks looked ok. The fact of the matter is, she is just not growing and the doctors still do not know why. It is so discouraging to be so diligent in praying for growth and to not see any. But we MUST keep the faith.

And so she was wheeled back to the penthouse suite at B369 to get caught up on a little more rest. Jen had a very steady stream of visitors in and out for the rest of the day and evening. Some brought flowers, some brought prayers, some brought gifts, some brought laughter, but all brought encouragement. All were seemingly the appropriate God-sent antibiotic for a case of discouraging news!

So here it has been 15 days down, many more to go. We are still trying to find a balance of sanity and…

Our God is in Control

Today was another stable day. Not much change. We continue to thank God for each additional day He's giving us here. My sweet cousin Jasie came up today from Canton to stay with me tonight and keep me company (she's giving Landon a break from the hospital floor he's been calling his "bed" lately). She went to my sonogram with me today and I'm so thankful to have her here and have her support.

Landon sent me this video today. It's a new Steven Curtis Chapman song. The video is simple - it just flashes the lyrics of this song throughout. It's powerful and it's how we are feeling right now. It's only 4 minutes. I hope you'll take a few minutes to watch and listen.

Two Weeks Down...

Tomorrow will have been 2 weeks that Jen has been in the hospital. Two weeks that I have driven (at least one time) every day to the hospital in Plano. Two weeks that I have eaten food out of a bag or a microwave. Two weeks since I have slept in the same place for 2-straight nights. Two weeks since I have had a normal routine. It has been a very draining 2 weeks for me, but I will take it. In fact, I would love nothing more than to be doing the same thing for at least another month.

And while I may have had a bit of a rough last couple of weeks, it is nothing compared to what Jen is going through. At least I get to leave the hospital, she can’t. I go to work, she doesn’t. I get to go be around our church family and worship, she isn’t able to. I can go outside, she hasn’t in a fortnight. (and yes, I just did use the very underrated word – fortnight)

But I am sure we would both agree that when we see those babies on the sonogram, kicking, playing, chilling, it makes it all worth it. It makes it all worth it to know that they are in the best possible place right now. They are getting so much medical attention and monitoring, there is no place in the world that I would rather them be. I am so proud of all 3 of them!

As Jen mentioned in an earlier post, we are in a series at church entitled Faith AND Doubt. Our pastor talked today about a woman who was an outsider that came to Jesus because she had a sick child. (Mathew 15:21-28) Jesus 1^st said he did not come to help her (she wasn't a Jew), then, he likened her to a dog (real Christlike, huh?) but still she had faith in Him. She was one of only 2 people that is considered to have had “Great Faith” in all the gospels.

It hit home for several reasons, but one in particular; her perseverance. When you have a sick child, you don’t care who you offend (the woman violated all sorts of cultural customs for that day), you don’t care how many times you have to ask for healing. Even when I feel offended by God, I have to have the humility to press through. We have to have the perseverance to continue to ask for a miracle. We have to..it’s all we’ve got.

Kaylan needs healing. She needs to grow. They both need to stay in the womb for a lot longer. Doctors think she has a fatal chromosomal disease. So I ask anyone reading this blog to pray the prayer that this woman prayed…”Help me Jesus!” (Matt 25:15) Please pray this simple prayer on behalf of our twins.

Here’s to 2 weeks down 4 more to go!!! Help us Jesus!

Baby "B"

If you've ever known anyone expecting twins (besides us), you might know that doctors always refer to the babies as Baby "A" and Baby "B". Naturally, this is the simplest way for the doctors to communicate --- you can understand that they wouldn't possibly know everyone's babies' names. Of course here lately, with all this focus and concern on Baby " B", I just want to yell out "HER NAME IS KAYLAN, NOT BABY B!" Maybe I'm a little sensitive these days ;) Ha Ha. That's not to insinuate in any way that our doctors are cold by referring to them this way....it's just such a difference of perspective for them and for me.

Anyway, all that to say that our little Baby "B" is really challenging my heart in the area of faith and doubt. Our church is in the midst of a series called Faith and Doubt. Early on in the series, our pastor said he named it Faith AND Doubt, not Faith OR Doubt, because as believers, we can struggle with BOTH. I'm so there right now. I want to believe with all my heart that she's going to be okay and that God has it completely under control. I have my moments though and it can be crushing.

I'm so thankful that my doubts are not contingent on how HE responds. He is still working whether I fully believe it or not....Case in point: Today I had a sonogram and three positive things were said by my doctor:

1) The blood flow was great today...not absent...not even intermittently absent...it was a strong, good flow

2) Her fluid looked good and she was moving around a lot...I'm pretty sure she waved at me.

3) The other day when the doctor was looking at her placenta and it had all these dark, weird looking spots on it (which was leading him to this conclusion about the genetic fatal disease), today, the spots were still there, BUT they appeared to be in an isolated, localized area. He actually pointed out to me a large area of her placenta that looked GOOD!

So, could God be erasing day by day these small little dark concerning spots on her placenta and saying, "I got this."? I sure hope so. That's certaintly our prayer on daily...no scratch that...hourly basis. Bottom line...we're trying to confess with our mouths each day that we trust and we believe He still has a perfect plan. It's a rollercoaster of faith and doubt though.

A friend left this verse as a comment on the blog earlier today and I thought it was so good, that I wanted to include it here: "Oh God, there are too many coming against us and we don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

We continue to be so encouraged by all of you who leave such amazing comments. If you are reading this blog regularly, I would encourage you to read the comments that are being left so that YOU also can be encouraged.

So happy Saturday to all and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my big bro, Jud...he's 45 today...just kidding...he's only 42. Love you Jud! :)

Pregnancy Whack-a-Mole

We will call today bitter-sweet. When they admitted Jen 10-days ago, 28 weeks seemed like an enternity. It was a milestone that the doctors set in front of us and so, every day, we looked forward to marking off another day on the dry-erase board. Not only are we still pregnant, we are still going strong and showing signs of stability over the past week and a half. We thank God for sustaining things the way that He has.

So on this semi-celebatory morning, Jen went in early for her daily sonogram with the specialist. He started the conversation by saying that he wanted to clarify some things that were brought up in yesterday's visit, primarily chromosomal anomilies. We are thinking that he is going to apologize for scaring us, tell us everything looks fine, and send Jen back to her room for a day of napping and monitoring. Not so.

He proceeded to share one of his theories about what might be going on. He presented a new chromosomal concern called Triploidy--A fatal chromosomal disease that Kaylan would not survive. (It is basically when there is a 3rd chromosome instead of the standard 2.) He went on to say that it is so rare that it is found in 1:100,000 births. Even more, he has seen in only three times in 20 years of practicing medicine (once 10 years ago and once last month). He said he is viewing an issue with the placenta, along with severe growth restriction, which is leading him to think this could be the case.

He suggested we do amniocentesis to find out if this is the issue. Two problems with that. One, is it is so risky at this state of the game because it could damage an umbilical cord forcing Jen into labor. The other being the results take 2 weeks to get back from the lab. The problem with that, besides adding unecessary risk for Dylan, who is doing fine, is that even if this test does reveal a fatal chromosomal issue, there is nothing that can be done. So we are faced with the decision: to do the risky test and try to get a more clear diagnosis, or not do it and continue to monitor the pregnancy as is.

We are deciding to not do amnio, as we are going to let God be in control of these babies lives, and not leave it in the hands of doctors and the possibility for erroneous data. We do not want to be faced with the heart-wrenching decision as to which of these babies lives deserves priority in medical attention. We love them both and want whats best for BOTH.

This new concern is, once again, very scary. We are definitely being stretched, tested, and challenged. It is so exhausting to play Pregnancy Whack-a-Mole. We make progress in one area and then a new concern pops up. We are scared, but yet trusting God. As you can imagine, it is very hard on Jen because she has nothing but time inside these hospital walls. Time to think. Time to worry. Time to doubt. We are asking for continued prayers against any genetic or fatal abonormalities with these babies. There are sometimes that we become so exhausted praying, that we do not have the words to pray. Thank you for carrying this burden with us and praying on our behalf.

P.S. Happy Birthday to our sweet niece McKenna who turns one today. Congratulations, you won't have to share a birthday with your cousins!!!

Don't Taze Me Bro!!!

Tomorrow is a big milestone...28 weeks!!! 10 days ago, our doctor did not seem like 28 weeks was going to be very likely, and tomorrow, we made it. Big praises! God has allowed us to stay pregnant long enough to get to a statistically viable point. But we are not just looking for statistically viable, we are still praying for these babies to remain in the womb for much longer. Redundant as it might be, we are still continuing to ask God for a miracle.

This morning, the nurse wheeled us down for our daily sonogram a little bit earlier that usual. Kaylan wasn't ready for the sonogram because she was still sound asleep. The doctor wanted to see her up and moving around so he pulled a "mini-taser" from his pocket and zapped Jen's belly. You could see the lines going through her head on the monitor and then she gave a big yawn and a sleepy neck stretch. The doctor caught it on DVD as you can see below...

We enjoyed seeing that. We also wanted to give people a glimpse of the beautiful angel that they are praying for.

She seems to wake up easier and in a much better mood than her mother. Aside from that, blood flow was back to being intermittently absent today, but not too concerning. Everything else looked fairly stable.

The doctors are still scratching their head as to why Kaylan hasn't and isn't growing. The fact of the matter is, they just don't know for sure. Today, Dr. Gore presented the possibility that their may be some sort of chromosomal issue (Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13...) The doctor was not trying to scare us, but he did make us aware that Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13 are fatal, so if she does have one of these abnormalities, at best she will only live a few hours to a few days outside the womb. He did say, however, that he does not currently see any other "red flags" or abnormalities in Kaylan, that are consistent with babies with these issues. Not to say we are in the clear, but the doctor is not seeing any. Bottom line, there could be a thousand reasons she is not growing and they really just don't know for sure.

So tomorrow, amidst all or our persistent praying, petitioning and pleading for God to sustain this pregnancy, we pause to Praise Him for a prolonged stay in populating Plano Presbyterian! (Now how's THAT for alliteration?)

Time Marches On...

My Papa used to say "Time marches on, time marches on...." That's how I'm starting to feel. We're marching forward each day by the grace of God. Today, we had a good report. The blood flow actually looked good on the sonogram this morning. Also, the heart rate strip reports were good. So, we're praising God for each and every blessing.

Each morning, I wait until Dr. Gore calls me down for the sonogram. I never know what is going to be revealed on the mini flat screen TV that hangs over my head. I lay there and wait for him to come in. We have our usual small talk and then he starts. I still have trouble deciphering exactly what he is seeing from one scan to the other. Today, I did see something that was kind of funny...and that was Dylan was punching Kaylan in the ribs while I was getting the sonogram. The doctor said, "It's a wonder twins ever speak to each other when they are born." Ha! They're not even here yet and they are already fighting :)

We're inching closer and closer to the 28 week point. I hope that we can just blow that out of the water, but I have to remember that regardless...God already has their delivery planned and He won't be changing that.

I mentioned my Papa earlier in this blog. Landon never got to meet him because he passed away before he got the chance. Landon would have loved Papa and Papa would have loved Landon. I'm so thankful to see some of the loving characteristics of my sweet Papa in Landon. I remember that Papa had all of us grandkids' pictures stuck under the glass top table of their bedroom dresser and every night before he went to bed, he prayed over all our pictures. I thought about how Papa would do this today when Landon told me he spent last night praying in our nursery over the cribs. I obviously can't be at home right now to even SEE the nursery or cribs, but to know their Dad is already committed to praying for them in the room they will sleep and play in, just touches my heart in a way that I can hardly articulate.I'm so thankful the way that Landon leads our marriage and our family...just the way my Papa lead in our family. 

So, until the next blah blah blog....Time marches on. :)