Random Rambling...

I have been thinking a lot over the last 6-7 weeks about James 1:2-3. (“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”) It is one of those cliché scriptures that sounds good. And when all is going according to plan, it’s a pretty easy one to stick on the fridge or bathroom mirror and throw around.

When the doctor told us 7 weeks ago that Kaylan probably would not survive, (due to severe, severe growth restriction), this scripture just kept popping up in my head over and over. But I just couldn’t get my head around it. The doctor is telling me to give up hope because our daughter probably won’t survive, and according to the scriptures, I am supposed to consider that “pure joy”?

Pure Joy? When I think of pure joy, I certainly don’t think of grieving the loss of a child. Especially one that we prayed to have long before she was even conceived. Pure Joy. My wedding day. Graduation. Buying our first house. Promotions. That is what I think of when I’m thinking of joyous occasions. But now here I am, faith being tested, and I am supposed to “consider it pure joy”?

Well, if the story ended there, with that doctor’s words, I would have a pretty horrible view of this scripture. So I have done my best to thank God for “choosing” us to be the ones that get to go through what we have gone through over the last 2 months. It is not always easy, and my faith is not always strong. (I still think it is better to have weak faith in something strong, then strong faith in something weak). But as the scripture goes on to say, “…the testing of your faith develops perseverance”.

And thank God for that perseverance. That determination of faith. He has been so faithful. Over the last 5 days, I have experienced “pure joy”. I have seen God work in ways that I have never seen before. In people that I have never met before. In people I know very well. And I have to believe He is not finished with this story. We still have a long road to go. There are still many hurdles to overcome. But on this journey, this walk, I will consider it “pure joy” when God selects us to become testimonies about his goodness and grace.