Faith and Fear...

Trust and Doubt...

Ups and Downs...

A God that still performs miracles...

A 1-pound baby girl and 3-pound baby boy...

This is our story; this is our life.


In the race of life, God our heavenly Father has come alongside us through the person of the Holy Spirit. And

~when we think we can't go one more step,

~when the race becomes painful beyond endurance,

~when our hearts feel heavy,

~when our minds become dull,

~when our spirits are burned out,

we have the comforter who comes alongside us, puts His everlasting arms around us, and gently walks with us.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dress up with Dylan

Dylan finally got to wear clothes today! He loved it. Well maybe not...I loved it. We put clothes on him, swaddled him tightly in two blankets...then tonight when we went back to the hospital, he was naked again and wrapped in one blanket. The nurse said he was roasting. Um, hello....it's June in TEXAS and its 110 degrees outside. Of course he's hot! So, we'll try some cooler clothes and less blankets tomorrow. Here's a few pics of him from today.

Thanks to Nana for my first outfit shown here.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dylan is still naked

Well, my plans to play dress up with Dylan today were hindered by the fact that the little tyke LOST weight last night! Bummer! Actually, it was only like a half of an ounce, but enough that he wasn't eligible for me to start putting clothes on him. I think he knows what's coming...oh yes, that's right...onesies, footies, booties, hats with ears....don't try to fight it Dylan. Tomorrow is the day so just go ahead and fatten yourself up tonight!

Our little Kaylan hit the one-and-a-half pound mark today. Her little belly is really big (for her) right now. The battle she is facing is that the CPAP tubes on her face blowing air into her lungs is filling her tummy up with air. They are increasing her feedings as well so she's full of milk and air and it's causing some stress on her tummy. She's not quite ready to come off of the CPAP (due to lung maturity). But, they are still increasing her feeds every 12 hours.

We're praying that she and Dylan can soon graduate from the CPAP tubes! It just blocks their faces and we barely know what they even look like without them.

Is it only Tuesday? My days and nights are really starting to run together. Still. one. day. at. a. time.

2 Timothy 1:7  "The Lord does not give us a spirit of fear, but one of love, power and self-control."

Monday, June 28, 2010

NICU Day 17...

Our little Kaylan is just 1 ounce away from being a pound and a half!!!! It may not sound like much but she is almost 150% of her original birth weight. Her lungs are maturing properly and they are increasing her feeds every 12-hours.

Here is a short clip of the little fatty...

Dylan is also progressing nicely. The nurses told us that when he is over 1500 grams, he can start wearing clothes. They weighed him tonight and he was weighing in at 1490, so he should be there tomorrow. I know Jen is chomping at the bit to go play dress-up with her sweet little Dylan doll, so it should be a good day for both of them tomorrow.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Guess who got to hold Kaylan today!?

Today was a GREAT day for mama! We showed up to the hospital today about 1 p.m. to spend the afternoon with our little angels. The nurse told me she needed to change out Kaylan's bed (they change their beds every week), and while she was doing that she needed me to hold Kaylan. :) So, for about 15 minutes today, I got to hold Kaylan...for the FIRST time! Yet another reminder that God hears our crys and prayers. I hadn't even said anything to any of the nurses about how I hadn't got to hold her yet...and here I walk in today and they ask me to hold her! God is so loving! He heard my meltdowns over the past few days and blessed me with this gift today. I needed it so much and I can't wait until the next time!

Kaylan is up to 1 lb 6.6 oz...Go Kaylan...Go Kaylan....Dylan is 3 lbs 2 oz and about 80 grams away from being able to wear clothes. Yippie! Kaylan's infection seems to be clearing up and she's feeling better. What a great end to a long week!

I'm ready to take on Week 3. Here's a few pictures from today of me holding Kaylan plus a couple of other cute ones.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Not Getting Any Easier

I spent most of the afternoon at the hospital today. I spent a couple of hours holding Dylan today and it was wonderful. I can't remember if we've mentioned this previously, but they are not letting us hold Kaylan anymore right now. The Father's Day kangaroo hold for Landon was just a special occassion. She's just so small and the equipment moves around too much and it stresses her out. So, we are now going on more than 2 weeks and I have not held her outside of her isolet. I'm really struggling with this. This is just not getting any easier for me. I really, really, want to hold my baby girl. I know in my head that it's not the best thing for her right now, but it doesn't make it any easier for my heart.

As for positive strides today, both babies are off of back up respirators and both going up on their feedings. Kaylan's feedings will be increasing every 12 hours as long as she keeps tolerating it. Dylan is almost up to 1 full oz of milk with each feeding. He hit the 3 lb mark (again) today so he's very close to his birth weight again. Kaylan is 1 lb 5.5 oz today so she's still gaining. YAY! Kaylan still has an infection but her white blood cell numbers seem to be gravitating back towards the normal range. She will be on antibiotics for 7 days total.

We'll head back up tomorrow to spend another day talking, touching, praying, laughing and crying. Sometimes I don't feel strong enough to keep doing this day in and day out, but what other choice do I have? I'll keep taking it one day at a time.

Please pray for complete healing for our sweet little Kaylan. We want this infection to be cleared up and cleared out.

I was reminded tonight when listening to our pastor's sermon that our wavering faith does not mean God's faithfulness to us wavers. Thank God for that!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Two Weeks Down...

The twins turned two-weeks old today! The last two weeks have gone so slow, but looking back, have also gone by so quickly. An interesting thing about having extreme premature babies is they actually have two ages. They have their “chronological age”, which was June 11, but then they have their “adjusted age”, and since their due date isn’t until the end of August, they are also considered 31-weeks (gestational.) So happy 2-weeks (chronological) or happy negative-9 weeks (adjusted) to Kaylan and Dylan!

Kaylan’s blood work was showing signs of an infection, so they continued her antibiotic. She will get 7 days worth of meds to nip this sucker in the bud. She also had her 3rd blood transfusion yesterday, and was much more herself today. She loves fresh blood as she was getting back to her feisty self last night! She did have a very swollen hand where her PICC line is so they are monitoring it to see if they can’t get the swelling to go down. Also, she is now flowing excrement like the BP oil spill, so that is an answered prayer. Thanks to all who have prayed for poop! (Oh yeah, the little fatty now weighs 1lb 5.2oz!)

Dylan is Dylan.  He still has the smoothest, laid back personality.  He hasn’t had anymore vomiting episodes since they have lengthened his feedings from 1-hour to 1.5hours.  We alternate “kangarooing” him everyday.  Today was Jen’s turn.  He loves to lay on our chests and sleep.  He is still down 5oz. from his birth weight, but all the doctors say that is still fine.  You better watch out Dylan, it looks like little sis is closing the gap pretty quickly.  

I know I have said this before but I must say it again.  Thanks to everyone that is following along side us on this journey.  I don’t think I can put into words how important every blog comment, card, text message, email, visit or prayer is to us.  They sustain us.  I have seen more good in people over the last few months than I ever knew existed.  They even put on a benefit for us and the babies at my work (Nissan Motor Acceptance) this week.  Several hundred dollars were raised and the majority of that was given by complete strangers that don’t even know the details of the situation.  We continue to be humbled daily by the kindness of people.  Thank you to everyone for all the support over the last 2 weeks.  It has been an incredible ride.  Thank you for the continued prayers.   

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day 12

Today was the 12th day in the hospital for our babies. I've gone every day, twice a day since they were born. In the past two weeks, I haven't been able to drive. I'm so thankful for all those who have sacrificed their time and gas tanks to take me back and forth. I'll be going to the doctor tomorrow for my 2 week check up and will hopefully be approved to drive again. Woo hoo! Watch out people on 121! This mama hasn't driven in over a month!  

As expected, there will be good days and bad days for Dylan and Kaylan. While I wouldn't call today a bad day, I would say it was not great. Doctors are concerned that Kaylan has an infection. Her white blood cell count was very elevated which is an apparent indicator of infection. They drew blood cultures on her, however they will not know the results of that for 48 hours. Rather than waiting 48 hours, they went ahead and started her on some antibiotics. They will administer another dose at 18 hours and a 3rd dose at 36 hours. If the cultures show that she does not have an infection, they will stop the antibiotics and attribute the elevated white blood cells to stress. On a positive note, she seems to be having more regular um, err....poops. Yeah that's right...poops. Go Kaylan! Also, they increased her feedings to two cc's instead of 1.5 She appears to be tolerating the feeds well so far. Kaylan was not her usual wirey, fiesty self today. I am concerned that she might have the suspected infection just because she was so lathargic today.

As for Dylan, he threw up three times tonight. They lowered his feedings back down to 20 cc's and are feeding him slower now. Both babies are on back up respirators to help them with their bradys (episodes of stopped breathing). Dylan could have gotten sick because of the extra air in his tummy from the back up respirator. The doctors did an x-ray on his tummy but it came back fine. Praise the Lord! I did spend two hours kangarooing my sweet little Dylan today. We took a nice 2 hour nap together. I love holding him. Can't wait to hold Kaylan when she's ready.

I think I'm finding that when they have a good day, then I have a good day. When they don't, I don't. It's hard for me to see Kaylan not being herself and seeing sweet little Dylan spit up all his food. I know these things are bound to happen, but right now, it's hard for me process all the beeping monitors and heel pricks, labs, cultures and x-rays. So, when you pray for Dylan and Kaylan tonight, please say a prayer for their mommy too. I know it's probably harder for me watching it than it is for them.

Still trusting His plan and His faithfulness. Thanks for lifting up our family.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

A Taste of Heaven...

I have sipped wine in a cafĂ© in Florence overlooking the Italian countryside.  I have lived on the beach in Southern California.  I have been in the same room as a sitting US President.  I have seen the mountains of Alaska and the beaches of Mexico.  I have completed marathons.  (I said completed not competed.)  I have prayed in 2000-year old cathedrals in Rome.  I was at the greatest college football game ever played (Tech beating No.1 ranked Texas – 2008).  I have ice-skated in Rockefeller Plaza under the NYC Christmas lights.  All this to say, NOTHING, I have done has been as special as this...

 Holding our babies for the 1st time! 

Maybe it is because it took 10 days after birth to get to hold them.  Maybe it’s because the doctors were not too optimistic about their survival.  Maybe it’s because how early they arrived.  Maybe it’s because I am holding a tangible miracle from God.  Or maybe it is just because I love them so much.

Jesus said when we pray, we are to pray “for things to be on Earth as they are in Heaven”.  Thanks to all the prayers, we have gotten to experience “Heaven” on Earth.  Please continue to pray for the development of our babies.  May all continue to see glimpses of Heaven in these tiny miracles.  

Sunday, June 20, 2010

A Father's Day to remember...

Happy Father's Day! And what a happy Father's Day it was! We got to hold Dylan and Kaylan kangaroo style for the first time! It was so sweet and precious.  To actually hold them to our chest and feel their little bodies nine days after their arrival,was amazing. I held Dylan for almost 2 hours. Landon held Kaylan for about an hour. Kaylan's CPAP tubes were really irritating her as she was laying on Landon's chest so it wasn't as comfortable for her because all the equipment on her little face is just so big. She's still really small for holding, but as long as they will let us do it, we will enjoy every minute! Dylan was really comfy and pretty much slept the whole time. Tomorrow evening, Landon will hold Dylan and I will hold Kaylan. They don't let us hold each of them on the same day cause passing the babies around and moving them a lot stresses them out. So for now, it's one Kangaroo hold per day for each of them.

I know there will be a day that we may start to feel some burn out and frustration with the back and forth trips to the hospital. Our life is now IN a hospital. But, we continue to see God working through this process. Although we are only 9 days in, we've already had some really sweet encounters with the nurses who are caring for them. Our nurse today (Darla), openly spoke with us about her faith and how she prays for our babies. That is SUCH an encouragement to us to know that other believers are taking care of our babies! What a blessing. We've tried to be transparent (to everyone) about our faith, trust, as well as very real fears, as we go through this. We don't really care who sees us praying over their isolettes every night. It's all we can do. It's all we want to do. We have letters and scriptures all over their rooms. My fabulous co-workers also made a ton of decorations for our babies that hang all along the windows. We love being there with them. It's hard to leave at night but we have to remind ourselves whose hands they are in.

Please continue lifting us up. More importantly, please pray for continued progress and health for Dylan and Kaylan.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

(A nurse made these for us last night.) 

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Answered prayers

Today was a good day! We knew that Kaylan was going to have to get a PICC line in her tiny little veins so the doctors can get fluids to her. Inserting the PICC line was going to be a very delicate and tricky process and had it not worked, a surgeon would have had to have been called in. Praise God - Dr. Santiago was able to insert it on the first try...so only one stick in her little arm and then he fed the long, wirey catheter through her veins all the way to her heart. Now it is in place and we hope it can stay there for awhile! Also, she has had a couple of more poopy diapers. (Kaylan, I'm sorry we are putting your business out there, but people are praying for this.) We told Dr. Santiago that she was going to grow up and become a nurse and get him back for all those baby enemas he's been giving her. Overall, today was good for Kaylan.

Dylan is doing well too. They are increasing his milk feeds every 12 hours and he seems to be digesting it well. He is struggling with what's called "Bradys"...which basically means he stops breathing for a few seconds. His brain forgets to tell him to breathe sometimes. This is fairly common in premature babies, but he seemed to have several "episodes" today which can be kind of scary.

So, the BIGGEST news is that we should get to hold BOTH of them for the FIRST time tomorrow!! HAPPY FATHERS DAY for Landon!!! It's going to be awesome. We'll get to do what's called Kangaroo Care which means we hold the babies on our chest skin to skin. We are really looking forward to this time tomorrow. Our nurses and doctors really seem to pulling for us to hold them tomorrow, so assuming everything remains stable tonight, then we can hold them tomorrow. When we hold them, they will still have all the tubes and oxygen so we will have to be very careful.

We went to church tonight and it was my first time back in quite awhile. It was so great to see everyone and be back in a place of worship. I was pretty distracted thinking about the babies and anxiously waiting to go back to the hospital, but was reminded that the Great Physician is taking care of them and I can trust them in His care. We are so encouraged by the genuine care and concern the nurses and doctors have for our babies. Several of them have asked to take care of them when they are working so I think they are even growing on the nurses ;-)

Here's a couple of new pictures of Dylan. To me, he looks just like Landon. What a cutie!

Friday, June 18, 2010

In His Hands...

I have been thinking a lot today about this picture.  We took it last night as it was the 1st day that either of has gotten to "hold" the babies.  Kaylan was so sweet and just loved having the bright bili-lights off her for a few minutes. 

But this picture really had me thinking.  I don't want to speak for God, but at this time, I think this is the perfect example of how we are to Him.  He has us in His hands.  He is holding us.  He looks at us with all our junk, all our "wires, tubes, and monitors".  And while all we see is the uncomfortableness of these wires that are bothering us, He sees the big picture.  He knows that we are going through all this crap to "grow" us and get us to a better place.  He knows it is for our own good.

I wish so bad Kaylan and Dylan could understand that they are hooked up to all these things for there own good.  I wish I could communicate some how that we are allowing them to go through this pain because we love them.  We love them so much that we are willing to do anything for them to get them better, even if they may have to endure some temporary pain. 

My prayer today is for the continued growth and strength of these babies.  But I also want to thank God for letting me endure this "incubator" of life that I feel like I have been in over the last few months.  I know I am in His hands and He truly wants the best for me, just as we do for Kaylan and Dylan. 

Matthew 21:16
'From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise'

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A Nurse Named Sue

Happy Thursday people! The babies will be one week old tomorrow...and oh what a week it has been! Praise God! I was able to spend the morning at the hospital from around  9 - Noonish because of the generosity of a friend who dropped me off and picked me back up. Thank you Kim Johnson - AKA, Preston's mommy (he's the 4 year old who prays for Kaylan and Dylan regularly). 

I enjoyed my time with them this morning. They have a great nurse today. Her name is Sue. She's really sweet and takes great care of them. Today, she wanted to change their bedding so I sort of got to hold each of them inside their isolets. I stuck my arms in the cubby holes and held them up while she changed out the bedding. This was the FIRST time I've ever held each of them. It was awesome and I can't wait to hold them close and kiss them. Of course, they were so light weight and I felt like I was going to break them. So, thank you Nurse Sue for letting me do this today! I loved it. I'm still blown away at the miracles that they are. I know God must have some big plans for them. Landon surprised me on his lunch break and came to the hospital for Dylan's "touch time." He handled the diaper. We've got to get him to change Kaylan at some point! :) 

Please continue to pray for Kaylan. Doctors say she has air in her tummy and that it needs to pass through before they can start feeding her milk again. She's basically stopped up. So, dare I say...please pray for a poopy diaper? It is what it is. 

Overall, both babies are still stable and doing well. Katie, Landon's sister, is coming in tonight to meet them for the first time. We'll be heading to the hospital this evening to visit. I'm excited for her to meet them. 

Sorry about the no blog, blog last night. I think we are both a little bit emotionally and physically drained right now. We continue to pray without ceasing though! We ask that you do the same on their behalf.

He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ!
Philippians 1:6  

Wednesday, June 16, 2010



Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Discharge Day

Today was a little tough. I was discharged from the hospital around 12:30. We headed down to the NICU to say a temporary goodbye to Kaylan and Dylan. Tears were flowing but the nurses were so sweet and consoling. We had a brief meeting with one of the Neonatologists who gave us "status" checks on both babies. They obviously have a long road ahead, but they are stable and each day is a victory. The biggest moment today was when the doctor told us that Kaylan's chromosome test came back NORMAL!! PRAISE GOD!! I completely lost it when she said that. NO TRISOMY!!! This was HUGE for us to hear on the day we were leaving and it was just what we needed. 

As we're already discovering on this journey, even when there's good news, there may be other set backs along the way. Kaylan needed a blood transfusion this morning because her blood count was low. Apparently this is pretty "routine" (um, it's not routine to ME so it scared me to death!), but she's responding well to the donor blood, and I'm sure she'll need more transfusions throughout the course of her stay. Doctors ran a head scan on her earlier this afternoon to see if there was any bleeding in the brain....Again, this test came back NORMAL! Another PRAISE! We are on our knees battling for these babies and God has been and continues to be FAITHFUL! 

Dylan came off of his photo therapy lights today (sun tanning bed as I call it). His coloring is looking better and he's starting to respond better to the milk feeds. Keep rockin' Dylan! 

With Father's Day approaching this weekend, we're hoping that maybe we can hold one of them for the first time. I would LOVE for Landon to be able to hold one or both babies on that special day. He's already an awesome daddy. He's so diligent to pray for them and over their little beds each night. He did another diaper change today on Dylan so he's getting to be a pro now. 

Once we got home this afternoon, I got to see their nursery furniture for the FIRST time! It was delivered to the house while I was on bed rest at the hospital. It's so beautiful and I can't wait to put everything all together (yes, when I'm feeling better MOM, I know...) 

My mom came over and dropped off ALL the gifts we've received during the past few weeks and she brought food and took care of us this afternoon. It was awesome. At about 6:30 this evening, we decided to go back to the hospital to see the babies. We just had to go back. We prayed again over them and spent some more time just staring at them. It's been an emotional day today (the first of many, I'm sure), but I really did sense God's presence with me all day and carrying us through this. 

We will continue to trust. Thank you for the continued prayers. Here's a list of nurses that have managed Dylan and Kaylan's care so far. If you think of it, please pray for these nurses and doctors by name and ask God to give them extra blessings and wisdom as they manage their care as well as other babies in the NICU. I'm sure this list will grow. 

Rebecca (she has twins AND she's a Red Raider alum - we LOVE her)

Dr. Santiago
Dr. Ratner
Dr. Reddy 

PS Praise on Skyler Seidman - for those of you following updates on Skyler, he's being sent home tomorrow! Woo hoo! He's been feeling better and was in the hospital for 16 days (I can relate, buddy). 

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pampers Pro...

Today was a fantastic day! It was Jen's final full day in the hospital as she will be getting discharged at some point tomorrow. She has not been outside in 21 days so, although it will be hard to leave here empty handed, it will be nice for her to be free from this place!

Today, I changed my first diaper...EVER! I was terrified to even try because the babies are SO small, but our nurse, who by the way is so awesome, encouraged me to give it a shot. She told me I could do it and walked me through it. I choked about half way through and started to tense-up, she helped finish it up. But later, I went back and tried it again, and I nailed it.

Not only did I master the art of changing the diaper, both babies were doing rather well. They have both lost weight since their birth, however, the nurse told me tonight that is a good thing. So after about 7-days of either losing weight or no gain, they should start to take off. We are excited about their daily reports, especially when the news is pretty good. Kaylan had an X-ray this morning and the doctor said he did not see anything that looked to be a cause for concern. Praise God for that.

Another reason this day was so great was the visitors! OMG, we had so many people come to see us and our little angels. Today, Dylan and Kaylan met their Spear One family, their Nissan family, some of their church family, and more of their family-family! Not only have we had an incredible amount of people already come up here or send their support in other ways, but today, I got to show off the fruits of so many of their diligent prayers. I was so excited to show off both babies. Most people had never seen a 1-pound baby, and everyone seemed to agree that Dylan was going to grow to be a huge monster. He has the biggest feet. And you know what they say about men who have big feet??? (They wear big shoes - c'mon what were you thinking?)

We want to thank everyone that has shown support to us. Every blog comment, every visit, every text message, every Facebook note, every email, every gift sent, every letter in the mail, all the way to every prayer said mean so much to us and has really sustained us over the past few weeks. We know that the road ahead is very long, bumpy and unpredictable, but for now, we want to say thanks!! Please be in prayer for us tomorrow as we have to say a temporary good bye to our sweet babies. We spent some sweet time this evening praying over their little cubbies. I'm sure there will be many more hours spent in prayer over these little ones.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

"Fearfully and Wonderfully Made"

Today was another busy day of NICU visits with family and visitors flowing in and out. Dylan and Kaylan are both stable and I fell a little further in love. We definitely have a long, bumpy road ahead, but Landon and I are choosing to celebrate life at this very moment. I did a few more diaper changes today but that's about the most interaction I have with each of them. We won't be able to hold them for awhile...don't really know yet how long "awhile" will be. We thought we would be scared to look at the babies - especially Kaylan since she's so tiny, but we find that we can't look at her enough! She's perfect and beautiful and is "fearfully and wonderfully made." So is Dylan. He has these long fingers and toes and we can already tell he's going to be tall and thin like Landon. They both have their little face goggles on as well as the CPAP oxygen tubes in their noses so we don't really get good looks at their faces. But we know that underneath all that garb is a perfect, little kissable face. Kaylan struggled a little bit with her feedings so they are going to just feed her through IV's and manage her nutrition that way. Dylan's feedings have increased although he spit up his entire dinner tonight so he might need to take a little slower too. They have such tiny little organs and we just continue to pray for God's healing hand to ever so gently touch them and grow them into strong babies.

My mom stayed with me last night. We had a good night of rest without the joy of IV's, epidurals and drips beeping in my ear all night. My mom has been so amazing during this time. She has been the perfect amount of available. We're so thankful for all that both our parents have done for us. They've been so diligent in prayers and support and we've been able to be their kids and let them love on us as we take on this new role of being parents. It's been a really special time. Landon's parents came in town Friday and will be leaving tomorrow. They were able to visit a few times and see their new little grandbabies. So glad they were able to be here. 

Today was the first day I think I let my guard down a little bit and let the tears flow some. I think I've been "on" since Friday and it felt good to just let Landon hold me and cry on his shoulder for awhile tonight. Now the emotional seal has been broken and the tears are flowing a little more often - but it feels good to get it out. I'm getting nervous about being discharged on Tuesday. I know that will be a really difficult time to leave our babies here. My head knows that they are in the right place, well taken care of and that they are in the best care possible. My heart is a little slower to accept that rationale.

I know so many of you have been invested in our babies and we can't wait for the world to meet them! Please continue to pray for us and the babies. As we approach Tuesday (discharge day), please pray for extra peace for us as we leave this hospital empty handed.

I cannot continue to express how thankful we are for all the support we've received. There had to have been at least 35 people up here on Friday just waiting for their arrival. Unbelievable!

Landon and I are going to spend some time on our knees tonight for our little ones. Hope you'll do the same :) Love to you all.

Jen, Landon, Dylan and Kaylan ;)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

What if...

So I have been a dad for a day now. It has been a pretty awesome day. I am so excited that God has answered the prayers of so many. I could not be prouder of our little babies. They are such blessings and I just met them a day ago. What an incredible experience this journey has been, but we have done nothing more than started a new chapter in our life. The last chapter was amazing, throughout all the ups and downs, and if it were a book, the chapter would be called, "GOD IS IN CONTROL". Both babies are doing really good considering the circumstances and we could not be happier.

And while I am so happy, I cannot stop questioning "what if?" What if God had decided to take one of these angels? What if God's plan was different than ours and had different plans for one, or both of these babies? What if things had turned out differently?

Now, I know we have been given 2 miracle babies. Praise God for that! He has blessed us beyond belief. He has been so faithful. But, could I sit here and say how incredible God has been in this process, if His plans did not line up with our plans? A few years ago, before God started really working in me, I would have to admit my faith was in getting what I asked for. If I did not get what I prayed for, either I was doing something wrong, or God wasn't the all-good, all-powerful that He claims to be. He has graciously stretched and grown me to a point that my faith is now in HIM, and not in the outcome. That is a difficult place to get to, but it is such an amazing place. I can honestly say that if things would have turned out different, my faith would only have been rattled, not destroyed.

I have learned that when my faith is in Him, and not the outcome, I can handle anything (don't always want to, but can). So I thank God for all the times my prayers have NOT been answered the way that I wanted them answered. Thank God for my Kaylan and Dylan. Miracles that came in His timing, not ours. May we continue to be open to His plan, and not ours, throughout this journey . May He continue to be faithful, but may we continue to see Him leading the way, not just providing the outcome!!

So Completely In love

Well, I thought I loved these babies when they were inside of me, but I didn't even know how in love I would be with these tiny little beings. We got to see them several times today in the NICU. I changed each of their diapers (smallest diapers you've ever seen in your life) and I also fed each of them through a tiny syringe.

Thank you for all the support, visitors, prayers, flowers. We've are overwhelmed by God's goodness and the way His people have shown up for us. It's hard for me to even write too much anymore...The pictures speak for themselves. They are perfect and precious and we are absolutely in love!

The first picture is of Kaylan and that is Landon's wedding ring around her arm!

Diapers! - The size of my Blackberry Phone!

These are (from left to right, Kaylan, Dylan and McKenna's diapers!) McKenna, is my 1 year old niece. Look at the size difference!

Us looking at Dylan :)

Me changing Kaylan's diaper

Friday, June 11, 2010

Dylan and Kaylan....few more pics.




Kaylan Grace Fariss

weighing in at 1-pound even and 11 inches.
Dylan Cash Fariss

Weighing in at 3lbs 3oz and 16 inches!

Praise God for these precious miracles!