Welcome

THIS IS THE REAL LIFE DOCUMENTARY OF....

Faith and Fear...

Trust and Doubt...

Ups and Downs...

A God that still performs miracles...

A 1-pound baby girl and 3-pound baby boy...

This is our story; this is our life.

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In the race of life, God our heavenly Father has come alongside us through the person of the Holy Spirit. And

~when we think we can't go one more step,

~when the race becomes painful beyond endurance,

~when our hearts feel heavy,

~when our minds become dull,

~when our spirits are burned out,

we have the comforter who comes alongside us, puts His everlasting arms around us, and gently walks with us.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Baby "B"

If you've ever known anyone expecting twins (besides us), you might know that doctors always refer to the babies as Baby "A" and Baby "B". Naturally, this is the simplest way for the doctors to communicate --- you can understand that they wouldn't possibly know everyone's babies' names. Of course here lately, with all this focus and concern on Baby " B", I just want to yell out "HER NAME IS KAYLAN, NOT BABY B!" Maybe I'm a little sensitive these days ;) Ha Ha. That's not to insinuate in any way that our doctors are cold by referring to them this way....it's just such a difference of perspective for them and for me.

Anyway, all that to say that our little Baby "B" is really challenging my heart in the area of faith and doubt. Our church is in the midst of a series called Faith and Doubt. Early on in the series, our pastor said he named it Faith AND Doubt, not Faith OR Doubt, because as believers, we can struggle with BOTH. I'm so there right now. I want to believe with all my heart that she's going to be okay and that God has it completely under control. I have my moments though and it can be crushing.

I'm so thankful that my doubts are not contingent on how HE responds. He is still working whether I fully believe it or not....Case in point: Today I had a sonogram and three positive things were said by my doctor:

1) The blood flow was great today...not absent...not even intermittently absent...it was a strong, good flow

2) Her fluid looked good and she was moving around a lot...I'm pretty sure she waved at me.

3) The other day when the doctor was looking at her placenta and it had all these dark, weird looking spots on it (which was leading him to this conclusion about the genetic fatal disease), today, the spots were still there, BUT they appeared to be in an isolated, localized area. He actually pointed out to me a large area of her placenta that looked GOOD!

So, could God be erasing day by day these small little dark concerning spots on her placenta and saying, "I got this."? I sure hope so. That's certaintly our prayer on daily...no scratch that...hourly basis. Bottom line...we're trying to confess with our mouths each day that we trust and we believe He still has a perfect plan. It's a rollercoaster of faith and doubt though.

A friend left this verse as a comment on the blog earlier today and I thought it was so good, that I wanted to include it here: "Oh God, there are too many coming against us and we don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

We continue to be so encouraged by all of you who leave such amazing comments. If you are reading this blog regularly, I would encourage you to read the comments that are being left so that YOU also can be encouraged.

So happy Saturday to all and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my big bro, Jud...he's 45 today...just kidding...he's only 42. Love you Jud! :)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful feeling to have a sonogram with 3 pieces of great news. God is in control and none of this is a surprise to him. He is holding your precious family in his hand!

Love,
Megan

Unknown said...

Kaylan (let's call her Baby Be. I think it fits in a lot of ways) is such a strong little woman. She would have to be, I guess, with Dylan playing "I'm-not-touching-you-oh-wait-yes-i-am-i'm-punching-your-head" all the time.

With every day being an emotional roller coaster, on the days that you are down, remember what you felt God was saying today: I got this. He does. And when you're too tired, too stuck in medical jargon, to pray, we've got this. All of your prayer warriors-forget that, prayer SAMURAI-are all over this. All the time.

As one of the many, I'm praying for you all so fervently so often, and I feel something. I literally FEEL a stirring when I pray for you all, and that is something that blows my mind. At the risk of belittling this comment by quoting Close Encounters, I will quote Close Encounters: this means something. This is important.

Love you guys. Mwah!

Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed your daily postings so much. I can't wait to get on and see what u found out that day. You are such a creative writer and have such a trust in the Lord. I have know Landon most of his life. I will keep following your daily story and praying with you.
In Him
Lynn Snow
Andrews

Anonymous said...

SOMETIME GOD HAS TO SHAKE OUR HEART AND OUR MIND TO REMIND US THAT HE IS STILL GOD AND IN CONTROL.I KNOW HE HAS HEARD EVERY SINGLE PRAYER THAT HAS GONE UP FOR THESE BABIES.I THINK IT IS JUST HIS WAY OF SAYING-HEY DO YOU TRUST ME OR NOT? KEEP BELIEVING,HE ALWAYS COMES THROUGH! GRANDAD 6-5-10

GRANDAD said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Gina said...

You are in my constant thoughts! I want to share with you what helps me the most when I'm in turmoil (although I confess I've probably never been in turmoil THIS deep). The first is the focus of this old song:

"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus' name."

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand. All other ground is sinking sand, All other ground is sinking sand."

I discovered that putting my hope in HIM more than on what I want Him TO DO gives access to peace in the storm. While of course I'm praying for the babies, I'm also praying for some of that peace to invade your heart as you go deeper into your crucible.

The second thing is worship. I know you're praying and trusting, but when I put on some worship music and just praise Him outloud, I find relief from heart-pain. It's like it opens your heart a little more to give Him deeper access.

We love you guys! If you want us to come and worship with you this week, we will!!!