Baby "B"

If you've ever known anyone expecting twins (besides us), you might know that doctors always refer to the babies as Baby "A" and Baby "B". Naturally, this is the simplest way for the doctors to communicate --- you can understand that they wouldn't possibly know everyone's babies' names. Of course here lately, with all this focus and concern on Baby " B", I just want to yell out "HER NAME IS KAYLAN, NOT BABY B!" Maybe I'm a little sensitive these days ;) Ha Ha. That's not to insinuate in any way that our doctors are cold by referring to them this way....it's just such a difference of perspective for them and for me.

Anyway, all that to say that our little Baby "B" is really challenging my heart in the area of faith and doubt. Our church is in the midst of a series called Faith and Doubt. Early on in the series, our pastor said he named it Faith AND Doubt, not Faith OR Doubt, because as believers, we can struggle with BOTH. I'm so there right now. I want to believe with all my heart that she's going to be okay and that God has it completely under control. I have my moments though and it can be crushing.

I'm so thankful that my doubts are not contingent on how HE responds. He is still working whether I fully believe it or not....Case in point: Today I had a sonogram and three positive things were said by my doctor:

1) The blood flow was great today...not absent...not even intermittently absent...it was a strong, good flow

2) Her fluid looked good and she was moving around a lot...I'm pretty sure she waved at me.

3) The other day when the doctor was looking at her placenta and it had all these dark, weird looking spots on it (which was leading him to this conclusion about the genetic fatal disease), today, the spots were still there, BUT they appeared to be in an isolated, localized area. He actually pointed out to me a large area of her placenta that looked GOOD!

So, could God be erasing day by day these small little dark concerning spots on her placenta and saying, "I got this."? I sure hope so. That's certaintly our prayer on daily...no scratch that...hourly basis. Bottom line...we're trying to confess with our mouths each day that we trust and we believe He still has a perfect plan. It's a rollercoaster of faith and doubt though.

A friend left this verse as a comment on the blog earlier today and I thought it was so good, that I wanted to include it here: "Oh God, there are too many coming against us and we don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

We continue to be so encouraged by all of you who leave such amazing comments. If you are reading this blog regularly, I would encourage you to read the comments that are being left so that YOU also can be encouraged.

So happy Saturday to all and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my big bro, Jud...he's 45 today...just kidding...he's only 42. Love you Jud! :)