We will call today bitter-sweet. When they admitted Jen 10-days ago, 28 weeks seemed like an enternity. It was a milestone that the doctors set in front of us and so, every day, we looked forward to marking off another day on the dry-erase board. Not only are we still pregnant, we are still going strong and showing signs of stability over the past week and a half. We thank God for sustaining things the way that He has.
So on this semi-celebatory morning, Jen went in early for her daily sonogram with the specialist. He started the conversation by saying that he wanted to clarify some things that were brought up in yesterday's visit, primarily chromosomal anomilies. We are thinking that he is going to apologize for scaring us, tell us everything looks fine, and send Jen back to her room for a day of napping and monitoring. Not so.
He proceeded to share one of his theories about what might be going on. He presented a new chromosomal concern called Triploidy--A fatal chromosomal disease that Kaylan would not survive. (It is basically when there is a 3rd chromosome instead of the standard 2.) He went on to say that it is so rare that it is found in 1:100,000 births. Even more, he has seen in only three times in 20 years of practicing medicine (once 10 years ago and once last month). He said he is viewing an issue with the placenta, along with severe growth restriction, which is leading him to think this could be the case.
He suggested we do amniocentesis to find out if this is the issue. Two problems with that. One, is it is so risky at this state of the game because it could damage an umbilical cord forcing Jen into labor. The other being the results take 2 weeks to get back from the lab. The problem with that, besides adding unecessary risk for Dylan, who is doing fine, is that even if this test does reveal a fatal chromosomal issue, there is nothing that can be done. So we are faced with the decision: to do the risky test and try to get a more clear diagnosis, or not do it and continue to monitor the pregnancy as is.
We are deciding to not do amnio, as we are going to let God be in control of these babies lives, and not leave it in the hands of doctors and the possibility for erroneous data. We do not want to be faced with the heart-wrenching decision as to which of these babies lives deserves priority in medical attention. We love them both and want whats best for BOTH.
This new concern is, once again, very scary. We are definitely being stretched, tested, and challenged. It is so exhausting to play Pregnancy Whack-a-Mole. We make progress in one area and then a new concern pops up. We are scared, but yet trusting God. As you can imagine, it is very hard on Jen because she has nothing but time inside these hospital walls. Time to think. Time to worry. Time to doubt. We are asking for continued prayers against any genetic or fatal abonormalities with these babies. There are sometimes that we become so exhausted praying, that we do not have the words to pray. Thank you for carrying this burden with us and praying on our behalf.
P.S. Happy Birthday to our sweet niece McKenna who turns one today. Congratulations, you won't have to share a birthday with your cousins!!!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
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9 comments:
Landon & Jenner...
You have the right idea...LET GOD BE IN CONTROL. He has had this thing under control from the beginning....You are going to have such a testimony with these babies. We are praying for ya'll non-stop. Hang in there, and you too, Kaylan and Dylan...We love you!
Aunt Kathy
I am so amazed that even when the news is hard to share that you are both able to word everything with such grace. I want you to know that we are all standing in the gap for your sweet family. We are praying for you all all the time. In times like this God hears every breath you take as a prayer, so just breathe and know God is listening!
Love,
Megan
Y'all are amazing and everything is going to be ok. Even if you can't find the words to pray, He knows what you are thinking! We love you Uncle L and Aunt Jen! We would have been honored for MJ to share a birthday with her cousins but I am glad Jen is still pregnant. Those babies need to keep working out in their gym as you said a few posts back! XOXO
~Chels
Jen and Landon,
It gives me such great joy that are still trusting the Lord NO MATTER WHAT!! Believe me, I know that when you write so graciously on this blog, that it's probably after a million "why" conversations with God, a million tears, and a million times of back and forth thoughts of faith and fear. In a battle or in the desert place, each and every moment of each and every day is the same continuous cycle. BUT the important thing is that in the end, even if you don't even know anymore if you believe it, you are still speaking with your mouth that you trust the Lord, and believe me, we all see your hearts to know that you do, and so does He.
Not that my opinion counts, but I think you made a good decision today on the testing business. God has His hand in this and it doesn't matter how many tests there are and what they say, because it doesn't change what He can do.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but the very first time I got a call about Kaylan however many weeks ago, I was on my lunch break at home. I spent that hour in prayer, and I'm talking some major warfare prayer. I really didn't have much info about what was going on and really had no idea what I should be praying for exactly, but as I prayed and waited in the Holy Spirit, John 10:10 came to mind..."The theif does not come except to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and life abundantly." All I knew at that time was about the first Dr. visit where Kaylan's life was not valued, and I was immediately reminded that the both of you, as did the rest of our family, did value her life, even at that stage of it. With that being realized, I became aware that God had already given her life, and His word says He came to give life and life abundantly. From that day until the present that is what I pray over her every day. That she will have life and life abundantly. I swear I say that at least a thousand times a day!! Now I know that sometimes we can only read His word and comprehend it as much as our minds possibly can, but I know one thing for sure...that His Word is the infalable truth and that He is not a God that He should lie!! His word does not return void and His promises endure forever. Now I fully believe in faith that Kaylan will fight through this battle successfully, but I know that she will have life and life abundantly. We will watch the rest unfold to see what that entails. NO MATTER WHAT, we have to believe that He has fulfilled His Word and that every moment that you get to hear her heart beat it is reassurance that He has given her life and that it is in His soveriegn hands, just like the rest of ours is. If you run out of things to pray and you don't know what else to say, I thought maybe this would give you something to pray and thank Him for...life and life abundantly.
Thank you for letting me walk this journey with you. It continues to change my life daily. I love you both!!
Her little yawn and stretch brought tears to my eyes. They're so perfect. You're having to make such monumental decisions about their lives so early - way earlier than most people ever have to - and for what it's worth, I think you guys are doing a great job. I pray the moments of peace you feel will sustain you. We love you guys so much.
Okay...people are starting to make fun of me because they walk into the physician lounge here and I'm crying again!
I'm just so amazed at how all of our faith is growing as a result of your family. Jasie mentioned that, even when you don't even know if you still believe it, the fact that you are confessing with your mouth (or fingers on here) that God is in control aids in building your faith. I have learned lately that sometimes you have to make up your mind first and your emotions and feelings will follow suit.
We have to believe in TRUTH. Feelings, fear, emotions, etc, are not TRUTH. But the TRUTH is that God creates, gives life, desires a personal relationship so much that he sent His Son to suffer in order to remove the chasm between us, left His Spirit with us, and is alive today interceding at the right hand of the Father. You two and your two babies are very much in His hands at this very moment. That's what I know is TRUTH.
Heavenly Father, You never promised us pain-free lives. You never promised that we would never be faced with life-altering decisions. You did say that we would have to "take up our cross" and follow You. Satan is after us all who call You our Lord because He wants to undermine the impact You have on the world through Your people. I pray that you will put a hedge around Jenner and Landon in a way that is so obvious, that it can ONLY be You. Give them rest. Give them peace. And I pray right now for a miracle on the same level as parting the Red Sea, crumbling the walls of Jericho with a shout, and raising Your Son from the grave. We believe, Lord. We will stand back and watch your mighty power at work! May all who come in contact with this family see You in everything they do and say. Amen.
We love you guys! Jud, Jen, and Boys
Praying that He brings you both the peace you deserve and the answers you need. After reading Jasie's comments, I too will pray that Kaylan has life and life abundantly. So well put, Jasie.
What a sweet post and video!! You guys are true examples of the word FAITH. The Bible says that God doesn't give us more than we can bear, and that should be a huge compliment to you guys because apparently he thinks pretty highly of you! I love yall and continue to pray for you!!!
You ARE doing a great job in this most trying and horrific of valleys. I read a great verse this week about a battle: "Oh God, there are too many coming against us and we don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you."
That's you two, and a whole army of prayer warriers behind you.
We love you.
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