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THIS IS THE REAL LIFE DOCUMENTARY OF....

Faith and Fear...

Trust and Doubt...

Ups and Downs...

A God that still performs miracles...

A 1-pound baby girl and 3-pound baby boy...

This is our story; this is our life.

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In the race of life, God our heavenly Father has come alongside us through the person of the Holy Spirit. And

~when we think we can't go one more step,

~when the race becomes painful beyond endurance,

~when our hearts feel heavy,

~when our minds become dull,

~when our spirits are burned out,

we have the comforter who comes alongside us, puts His everlasting arms around us, and gently walks with us.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Not Getting Any Easier

I spent most of the afternoon at the hospital today. I spent a couple of hours holding Dylan today and it was wonderful. I can't remember if we've mentioned this previously, but they are not letting us hold Kaylan anymore right now. The Father's Day kangaroo hold for Landon was just a special occassion. She's just so small and the equipment moves around too much and it stresses her out. So, we are now going on more than 2 weeks and I have not held her outside of her isolet. I'm really struggling with this. This is just not getting any easier for me. I really, really, want to hold my baby girl. I know in my head that it's not the best thing for her right now, but it doesn't make it any easier for my heart.

As for positive strides today, both babies are off of back up respirators and both going up on their feedings. Kaylan's feedings will be increasing every 12 hours as long as she keeps tolerating it. Dylan is almost up to 1 full oz of milk with each feeding. He hit the 3 lb mark (again) today so he's very close to his birth weight again. Kaylan is 1 lb 5.5 oz today so she's still gaining. YAY! Kaylan still has an infection but her white blood cell numbers seem to be gravitating back towards the normal range. She will be on antibiotics for 7 days total.

We'll head back up tomorrow to spend another day talking, touching, praying, laughing and crying. Sometimes I don't feel strong enough to keep doing this day in and day out, but what other choice do I have? I'll keep taking it one day at a time.

Please pray for complete healing for our sweet little Kaylan. We want this infection to be cleared up and cleared out.

I was reminded tonight when listening to our pastor's sermon that our wavering faith does not mean God's faithfulness to us wavers. Thank God for that!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Jen,
I love you and you are much stronger that you will ever know. Take your life minute by minute. God hears your every thought and every breath you take.

Love ya,
Megan

Cox Family said...

Hey Jennifer!

I am so glad you emailed me your blog! I know every day seems eternal right now, but I promise it will get easier! Something the doctors always told me was, the bigger Ryleigh gets, the stronger she gets. So, the fact that your babies are tolerating the food well is awesome! A verse that I found to be extremely encouraging was 2 Timothy 1:7-"The Lord does not give us a spirit of fear, but one of love, power and self-control." Hold onto that when fear gets hold of you. Know that fear is coming from Satan. He wants you to be afraid, but the Lord is with you and wants you to feel his comfort and love.